Female signs of affection: a tutorial for assisting forum guys in need

[Nat and the Cat]

Forumers; Please post your helpful hints on how you express your affection for gents you are interested in to help our forum gentlemen glide through the choppy waters of love more safely.

So, how do you subtley let a guy know you like him......what cues do you give off.....

[Nat and the Cat]

1. being friendly and treating him like a pal; if a woman treats you like she might treat a woman friend it means she trusts you enough to let you that close to her, so you have an opening there.

2. if she likes you and isn't a flake(ie. follows traditional dating advice), she won't play it cool; she'll enjoy talking with you and will say so.

3. disregard anything you might hear about dating on T.V., movies, radio, newspapers, telegram, etc.

now someone else add their helpful hints!

[muppets123]

ooh i am gonna have to think on this a bit.  I dont wanna give away all my secrets   and there are some things that carried over  from my wild & crazy single days that i  might not do  now and  vice- versa. I'll get back to yas on this.  There's a couple of things I have in mind but i am gonna hold back just a bit see if i am too sentimental and old fashioned... or willing to go the extra mile and think outside the box for someone who is worth it.

experience  brings  heartache, innovation and change.... just be open to listen and all will be revealed in  good time -- well maybe not all... we gotta keep u guys  on your toes.

PS there were some key words  mixed in with the message ( read:  be open,  tradition,  sentimental,  change, innovative, willing to go the extra mile for someone you care about etc.)
More to come later....

[Bets]

i'm reeeeally stupidly obvious.  in general, if i like someone i'll actually go out of my way to hang out with them.  otherwise - depending on my mood - i'm pretty anti-social and it takes good friends to persuade me multiple times to go out.  i'll initiate idle conversations on msn and i'll stress out waiting for phone calls, not that the guy would ever know i stressed out because i'd be so super excited and forgiving and nice once he did call, regardless of whatever lame excuse.  (if he was just a friend he'd certainly get a piece of my mind.)

on the other hand, just because i compliment someone doesn't mean i have ulterior motives.  i sincerely admire many people who i harbour no romantic feelings for - and it annoys me that sometimes i just can't tell them decent things about themselves without being misinterpreted/creating awkwardness.

[Charlaya]

Well, I really wouldn't know. The weirdest guys think I'm interested in them. So either I'm sending out signals without knowing it (and certainly without wanting to) or those people just act on wishful thinking.

My boyfriend however says that before we got together at one point I sent out some lightning like things with my eyes that made him realize. I wasn't doing that on purpose, but in that case I at least meant it.

In general I would however also agree, if one clearly shows, that she likes to be with the guy, spend time, is really having fun etc. it's a good sign. No definite one however! And the opposite behaviour doesn't neccessarely have the opposite meaning.
Sorry!

[Nat and the Cat]

Okay.......now I feel confused ?? And I'm a woman!

4.My mother would say this; "just say if you like somebody!"; ie. if you like someone(and it doesn't have to be love, just like) say so!
Granted, some cruel, callous witch might laugh in your face if you did say that, but if it's a decent kind of lady she would hopefully be direct and state her feelings as well, and life will be all the better for your directness.

I think that's the most awkward thing to have to say because it's a big leap; which is probably why there are so many single people in the world. We're not chicken, we just don't want our egos bruised.

[muppets123]

Okay- enough of being snarky and time to put on my serious face and helpful hints

1. Being open  and friendly, encourages conversation.  I agree with  Nat-  feeling comfortable w/ a guy to treat him like a pal  IS a good sign  to  that there is trust and she would be receptive or open to something more if both parties were inclined.

2.  Being supportive but knows when to give a guy their space.  There is  a fine line btween being persistant and being  a nag.    Ya definitely learn how to perfect this after marriage.     Oddly enough,  I didn't know that Mike had turned down  my asking him for date 3 times  cuz he was running scared as his former girlfriend  had recently  traded his car for crack( he  was too hurt or embarrassed to tell me straight off).  Had I given up after 3 strikes, instead of going for 4 fouls balls and you're out, we never would have had that first date... and  thus never gotten married.

3.  Takes the time to listen to you and  genuinely shows interest  in  stuff you do or  at least makes the honest attempt to learn about it ( even if you dont always agree on everything)

4.  If she goes out of her way to do a little something extra nice or unusual for you -- lets you  know you are special.  We're not talking stalkers: but if she bakes you 2 dozen of your favorite cookies for your birthday  or  makes you up a  care basket of cofee, coffee mug,  your favorite snack, & a stress ball as you both prepare for final exams  you are in pretty good standing

[AvonleaGal]

For me, I'm really obvious, though guys always seem clueless. Here's my things I normally do:

1. I go out of my way to hang out with them.

2. I'll start random conversations.

3. If they say something, I always try to draw a conversation from it or further their comment.

4. I compliment them on things.

5. I trust them with my thoughts/feelings on things.
Of course, this only me, my friend is the complete opposite. She never talks to boys she likes. If she likes them, she ignores them. That's just the way she is, even though it makes no sense to me. Hope I helped.

[Nat and the Cat]

That is good solid advice ladies Good on ya!

5. Don't be disheartened if you call her and she doesn't call back. She may be shy, dislike talking over the telephone, or busy with something. If you talk to her in person, that may be enough for her.

6. Female signs of affection often border on mere politeness; if she holds doors for you(yes we believe in equality in that manner), offers to buy the coffee or small snack, asks after you when you are under the weather, etc. Being maternal; in this moderate sense, is how some women show they care.

7. If she teases you; the way some teenage boys do with girls they like, she may like you as well. Pretending you don't like someone is often a mask for the opposite. If she pushes you down an elevator shaft when she pats you on the back, she is trying to kill you.

[kittywampus]

See, this is exactly what I mean when I say we are clueless.  Like Avonleagal who confides in someone, but her friend is the opposite. 

There have been many women who've confided some pretty personal details to me, stuff that normally one only discusses with bf's.  But i knew (or i thought i knew) that there was no other intentions.   I'm not complaining, this is helpful, but it further illustrates how there's no standard way to read clues.   

And Nat, I've had some great elevator experiences and some pretty bad ones.  But no attempts at murder. 

[AvonleaGal]

^ Yes, girls can be very confusing , even to other girls, but I think boys can be just as confusing at times.

[Nat and the Cat]

*pats kittywampus on the back* There, there...................................THERE! *hard pat on back meant to knock you down*

8. If a woman is competitive with you(the Anne/Gil school rivalry), she might like you. It's a hate/love thing.

[DreamLover_001]

This is normally how I work if I like a guy:

1. Lots of physical contact.  Nothing kinky, lol, but maybe a hand on their knee or arm.  If we're already really good friends, a shoulder rub or linking arms when we walk somewhere just because [not to be silly like some pictures I've posted].
2. I'll go out of my way to make attempts to hang out with them or drop hints that he should ask me to do something.  For example, "Hey (name), I've got an hour before class, do you wanna go get coffee?" for the former of "Sorry I missed your birthday, (name), but let me know when you're free and I'll buy you a belated birthday drink." for the latter.  [Both of which, might I add, I used on my most recent interest to no avail.  He's sooo oblivious.]
3. Avoid eye contact.  This is only if I REALLY REALLY REALLY like someone.  Eyes are the window to the soul, and I'm afraid that he'll be able to see straight through me.
4. This one is hypocritical, but if someone I really like and is a really good friends asks me out and I hesitate, it's because I really want to say yes, but I'm worried about jeopardizing the friendship.  I've been single for way too long because of this.
5. Someone I'm really comfortable around will be the butt of all my jokes and on the receiving end of any playful wrestling/fighting.

That's pretty much all I've got.

[estella]

i try to play it pretty cool when i like someone but am not sure if they return the sentiment.  on principle i refrain from initiating contact (phone, msn, whatever) and try not to turn into a giddy schoolgirl when i am around them (easier said than done).  it's all a matter of dignity.  if i begin to suspect that there is a reciprocal thing happening, then i will step it up a notch...will initiate contact, tease them (lots of sarcasm), try to get them into situations where there is alcohol.

at which point, inevitably, i get drunk and turn into a rabid gerbil, for better or worse.

[Nat and the Cat]

5. Someone I'm really comfortable around will be the butt of all my jokes and on the receiving end of any playful wrestling/fighting.

You're right on that one dream; it's a safety mechanism.

9. If a woman asks a man lots of questions she is either A; trying to get to him better or B; just a busy-body

[Lavendar]

What a topic. 

1) The girl (as a few of you ladies has already said) goes out of her way to spend time with him, usually under the pretense of something else.
2) Almost always (or always) agrees with what "her boy" is saying.
3) Bakes cookies when she knows he'll be around to eat them. 
4) Enjoys working on projects with him, and even comes up with projects that she shares just with him
5) Will read almost anything he recommends to her. 

These ones are possibly from my own experience. "Possibly" meaning....Well, yeah.  I changed the definition of "possibly". 

[Bets]

What a topic. 

3) Bakes cookies when she knows he'll be around to eat them. 
5) Will read almost anything he recommends to her. 

yes, and yes.  guilty.

[kittywampus]

I think i need to pick up one of those books about interpreting body language.

[estella]

i'm pretty sure it's all in the eyes.  i know whenever i like a person i am constantly watching them.  (like the huge creeper i am.) 

[maisonvivante]

i know whenever i like a person i am constantly watching them.

gross

[JoJo]

i know whenever i like a person i am constantly watching them.

gross

 
I have to laugh, sorry!

[estella]

youre gross

[Gingernut]

8. If a woman is competitive with you (the Anne/Gil school rivalry), she might like you. It's a hate/love thing.

Hmm, this....... coupled with the post above mine.......

Eeee, it's like Romeo and Juliet. With extra bloodshed. And where Romeo is a little more attracted to Mercutio.

[windy poplars]

Can we have a topic like this for the boys to post in? Or is it already there but my eyes are missing it?

If I like a guy I try to spend time with him to get to know him better. Hasn't worked yet, though. I'm more confused than I have ever been and have come to the conclusion that I'm better off alone.

[Lavendar]

You know, that really is true....That is my philosophy: until I am old enough to "do something about" any affection I have for a guy, I don't try to pursue it. Now, I won't try to stop liking him, or even acknowledging to myself that I do like him a lot, but I won't take it any further than that. I don't want to lose a friendship with him because it became more than a friendship when we were too young to do anything in the way of marriage.

[Robin]

I usually think [and act] like he's scum of the earth, and then pull an Anne Shirley on him ie. nose in the air. This has never worked for me...   

[Nat and the Cat]

OR......you declare to anyone who might think otherwise that you'd "never like him" hehehe..... you like him.....sadly inspite of yourself and good judgment.

if people used good judgment, the human race would have died off centuries ago.

[windy poplars]

I usually think [and act] like he's scum of the earth, and then pull an Anne Shirley on him ie. nose in the air. This has never worked for me...  

Oh my gosh. That made me laugh.

I have to admit that after thinking a guy might have been interested in me then losing all hope of it I did my best to be cheerful and chat with another guy to see if that had any effect on the guy. I don't know if it worked but he did pout a great deal. He also started avoiding me, leaving the room when I came in and hiding from me at the train station. I still don't know if he liked me but he was very busy chasing after other girls after a short while. Now I don't care because if he doesn't have the curage to tell me if he likes me then I'm not interested. So there!